I feel absolutely bad. Not sure if it’s because I’ve been drinking and I often get depressed on hung over days or whether I just feel bad for no reason. I have no respect for myself. I have such high standards as to what I want to look like, it feels like nothing will ever be good enough. I started my diet a week or two ago and I have already lost a few kilos, but it’s like by accepting I need to lose weight, I see myself like I really am, which is fucking disgusting. I keep looking at photos of this girl I know through a friend who is really beautiful and thinking of how shit I look in comparison. Why would anyone ever want to talk to me or listen to me when there are people like that in the world? What am I actually worth?
I fucking hate these feelings. I know they are wrong and I tell myself that I am average and I should be happy with that but I just can’t block them out. People say everyone is beautiful in their own way, but when 90% of the population have an idea of beauty which isn’t me, you can’t argue with that. I just want to look at myself one day and think that I am half decent. Maybe when I lose the weight. But I’ll still have this face, and the lack of boobs and the cellulite.
Fuuuuuck this.
